Why You Hate Your Wardrobe
There are very few universal experiences in this life. Some would say it’s just death and taxes that we all share. But if I could so bold as to add one more to the list, I would say it’s the experience of walking into your closet full of clothes and still feeling like you have nothing to wear. We’ve all felt it and it is endlessly frustrating.
This problem is of course very relevant to what we do around here. It’s pretty much the whole reason we started Indyx in the first place! So, we’ve done a lot more thinking than most about why so many of us end up in this spot. Why despite spending so much time, money, and energy on your wardrobe you still…kinda hate it!
I’ve got seven reasons as to why you’ve ended up with a closet you hate - and, hopefully a few helpful tips on how to avoid falling into these traps in the future.
(By the way: I also made a series of TikTok videos breaking down each of these reasons. So, if you’re more of a watcher than a reader, simply click those links!)
#1: You’re shopping for your fantasy self
We all have a fantasy self. She’s one who actually loves wearing heels. The one who always gets dressed and goes out for drinks with friends on Friday night rather than collapsing on the couch in her pajamas with a glass of wine. The one who shows up to work in a perfectly crisp shirt and impeccably tailored trousers because *she* is dressing for the job she wants!
In short: she’s typically 50% fancier and 100% more willing to put up with impractical fashion choices than the real you. And unless the therapy is really working, she tends to be prettier, skinnier, and cooler than how you really perceive yourself to be.
It’s an *incredibly* common mistake to shop for her instead of the real you. After all, she’s very fun to shop for! And on a deeper level, you’re subconsciously hoping that if you just fill your closet with the clothes that this imaginary girl would wear, you’ll magically become her.
But if you keep shopping for your fantasy self, you may find your closet full of things that you loved to buy but hate to wear. And these items just sit in your closet because they feel like a costume. Or even worse: an uncomfortable costume.
The moment I stopped shopping for my fantasy self was the moment that I was able to start building a wardrobe that actually made sense for my real life. One where I could always reach in and find something that made me feel incredible, not just for special occasions but for everyday when I was just running errands or walking the dog. Which may sound boring at first, but has exponentially increased how satisfied I am with my closet.
Questions to ask to avoid shopping for your fantasy self:
Who is the girl who would wear this piece? Is that girl really in character for me? (We love what our friend, Heather had to say about this idea of “character dressing”)
Is this an piece that I admire on other people but won’t love wearing myself?
What are my three words? Does this item fully align with them?
Can I imagine styling this item for an activity I actually did today? Or, at least this week?
#2: Too much variety, not enough focus
In my experience, most of us *want* to feel like everything in our closet goes together and that it’s easy to mix-and-match into new outfits all the time. It’s exactly why the concept of a “capsule wardrobe” has become so incredibly popular to the point of absurdity.
Despite this, most of us end up with very compartmentalized closets where we feel like we can only style each item with a few other things, in only a few different outfits.
My theory on this is in modern life we’re exposed to so many different aesthetics and brands (especially on social media) that it’s easy to feel like you’re falling in love with all of them. It’s also common to feel bored with your closet and the default solution is to “mix it up” by shopping for something very different.
For example, my go-to combo is jeans and a button down. Yet, when I get bored I find myself browsing Reformation cottagecore dresses. I love the dress in the abstract….but is it right for me and does it really fit in with everything else I own? No!
If you shop this way, you’ll probably also end up with a bunch of things that you like in theory but you can’t figure out how they work together. Because they don’t, really.
This was really driven home for me on Indyx, where in the old MVP version of our app you were able to peek into the full closets of some really stylish women (I promise, we are working to bring this back very, very soon!). You immediately start to notice that these wardrobes have quite a consistent point of view. And suddenly, my own closet felt all over the place. Like “oh, THAT’S what a cohesive wardrobe looks like!”. A total ah-ha moment.
I learned that “mixing it up” is usually smaller than you think. It’s putting on a blazer or doing a red lip. Swapping your sneakers for a kitten heel. It’s not something CRAZY way outside of what you normally wear.
Your closet doesn’t need to be the one-size-fits-all, totally neutral capsule wardrobe to work. But, don’t get distracted by shiny objects. A big part of style is simply about just sticking to a vision.
Questions to ask to keep your wardrobe focused:
Once again: what are my three words? Does this item fully align with them?
Do I already own (and love!) pieces with similar attributes? And, is this new piece a different iteration of some of those attributes? For example: I know I gravitate towards details like stripes and gingham, silky or cozy textures, denim, pleats, and nods to sportswear. Nearly everything I buy has at least one of those things.
Does this piece look like it belongs in my closet? Upload it to your digital wardrobe and start scrolling. It should blend in and visually feel like it “belongs”.
Can I easily style this piece into three different outfits from my closet? And not just can I, but am I excited to? Literally do this in the app!
#3: You don’t know what you want
You might be like “Sure, I want to have a focused closet, but focused around what?!?”. If your style keeps “zig-zagging” so to speak, then the core problem is likely that you don’t really understand your personal style.
You probably never struggled to shop, so you never really took the time to identify what your true personal style is. Most people don’t - they just keep shopping - so you’re definitely not alone in this.
But going shopping without understanding the larger style you’re trying to achieve is like trying to navigate home without a map. You might get there eventually after years of trial-and-error, but the good news is that there’s a much faster way.
How you do you find your map? You gotta figure out your north star vision for your style. And, I know this is easier said than done. But at Indyx, we have resources to help.
I’d highly recommend checking out our Style Workshop content series. It’s totally free, and in 8-weeks it walks you through a step-by-step process to define your style, edit your closet, and figure out what to shop for to achieve that style vision.
Learn more about our free (!) 8-week content series to define your style
#4: You weren’t obsessive about fit
How your clothes fit you is truly SO important. And, I don’t just mean can you physically button the pants or zip the zipper. It’s also about how the clothing does or doesn’t follow the natural lines of your body. It is too tight or too loose in the shoulders, the bust, the waist? Does it hit you at the length you prefer relative to your height and inseam? All of that.
The difference between an okay fitting piece and a well fitting piece is truly night and day.
For a variety of reasons, many of us end up with a closet full of clothes where everything is just a *little bit* off. You put it on and it’s okay, but it doesn’t make you feel great.
But, those super stylish women who seem to just look amazing in everything they wear, even the simplest stuff? The secret is that they are obsessive about the fit of their clothes, holding a very high bar as to how something needs to fit to justify a place in their closet.
Unfortunately this is easier for some people to achieve than others, especially right off the rack. Although, I’ll gently remind us all that mass-produced clothing was quite literally never meant to fit you.
The first thing you can do is learn about proper fit, and really hold that bar high for the pieces you invite in. It’s okay to slow down. Preferred, in fact!
And honestly you’ve got to build a relationship with a local tailor. Buy things one size up, and have them tailored down to fit you. I know that this costs money and it might feel silly to spend $50 tailoring a $50 dress from Zara. But I promise that you’d rather have 1 perfectly fitting dress than 2 just okay ones. You can spend the same total amount on your wardrobe and have fewer things that you love SO much more. Quality over quantity.
Questions to ask to stay obsessive about fit:
How do I really feel in the piece? Like, really close your eyes and take a body scan. Do you feel any physical discomforts like pinching or bunching?
When you look in the mirror, do any “buts” pop to mind? Like “I love it, but I wish it hit me just a little lower on my leg”. Or," “They’re great, but the waistband is gapping”.
Am I willing to spend the money to tailor this piece? If you’re not willing to invest extra in a perfect fit, then the piece probably isn’t important or special enough to justify a place in your closet anyways.
#5: You settled for the lesser
Dupe culture is breaking our brains - and, making us hate our wardrobes.
I get it. No matter who you are, we’re all operating on a budget just trying to make the most of it. But the problem arises when we try to get the most physical stuff for our dollar, and loose sight of how to get the most satisfaction for our dollar.
With so many fashion dupes out there, it’s easy to convince yourself that it’s a totally smart move to simply buy the less expensive version of the brand name or luxury item you’re really coveting. To get the Amazon leggings instead of the Lululemon Aligns. To get the high street flat sandal instead of the Hermes Orans.
But in my experience, if the original item was at all within your budget, you just end up regretting it. Especially if the thing you traded down for is a relatively “timeless” style.
You buy the dupe hoping you can scratch the itch for less, but still find yourself thinking about the original. You might even end up buying other, similar items trying to incrementally improve on the first try. Like “oh, well this one fits me a little bit better” or oh, the quality on this one is a little nicer”. But at some point, you’ve spent almost as much or maybe even more than if you had just bought what you really wanted in the first place.
And all along the way you’re compromising with a closet full of things that you don’t fully love. You’re still holding space in your brain for *the one *.
So if this is your issue, try shifting your perspective to optimizing your dollar for style satisfaction. We’re not looking for empty calories, we want to buy the thing that will keep us full for a long time. There really is something to feeling proud of the things we own that makes pulling it out of your closet a joyful experience each and every time.
This doesn’t mean that you have to spend more overall, but you might just need to be more intentional and strategic with what you do spend on.
Questions to ask to avoid settling for the lesser:
Is this piece the prize for me? Or, will it just remind me of the ‘real thing’ I didn’t buy every time I pull it out?
Will it feel special and luxurious to wear it? Would I be proud to tell a friend about it?
Do I already feel like I’ll want to replace this item with a nicer “investment”? Or, is this the last version of this item that I’ll ever need to buy?
#6: You aren’t planning outfits
You know those “effortless” girls you see on social media, who always seem to just pull out an effortlessly chic outfit to wear to their effortlessly aesthetic lives drinking lattes out of huge mugs and strolling down treelined cobblestone streets?
The secret is that those effortless girls actually spend a lot of time and effort thinking about their outfits.
They don’t just roll into their closets every morning with their eyes closed and happen to pick out a totally new but also totally perfect outfit. But, they give the *impression* that they do. So, of course you’re frustrated when you fail to live up to this imaginary standard.
If you want to love your wardrobe and love your outfits, then you’ve got to put a little effort into strategizing with what you’ve got.
Try setting aside some time when you’re not rushed just trying to get out the door to play with your closet and find new outfit combinations. Some people do it for half an hour every weekend, others set aside a couple hours at the beginning of a season. Think of it as self-care: put on some music or a podcast, light a candle…it really can be nice!
The Indyx app can make this even easier, allowing you to plan outfits sitting on your couch, which is what I do every Sunday night while watching Netflix.
But if you want a real hack, I’m obliged to mention that we also have a subscription service - The Feed - where a personal stylist sends you new, professionally styled outfits out of your own closet every single week. It’s like a superpower that completely solves this problem of outfit planning without having to put in any of the effort yourself.
Here’s my own Feed from this week, complete with notes from my stylist, Caroline.
#7: You don’t give your things a chance
Does this cycle feel familiar?
You find a new item online and fully fall in love. If ONLY I had this linen blazer all my problems would be solved. So you buy it.
You’re so excited to get it, and you’re totally feeling yourself the first time or even the first few times you wear it.
But soon enough, you walk back into your closet and hate everything again.
Repeat.
It’s a seemingly unbreakable fashion maxim that the piece you love the most is the one that you’re *about* to add to your closet. Getting something new is surely a great dopamine hit, but it looses that shiny-new-thing-value the moment it enters your closet, like a new car driving off the lot. It promised to be THE thing that solves everything, but of course it isn’t.
Even though it’s an irrational cycle, our little lizard brains just don’t want to cut that loop. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, we still want to believe that just the next new thing will solve it.
The solution here isn’t sexy, but it also isn’t complicated. Force yourself to revisit what you have. Wear it. You bought it for a reason and…maybe it isn’t all that bad. At the end of the day, wardrobe satisfaction is mostly something you choose. It isn’t bestowed to you by some higher power when you check off enough boxes or fill enough “gaps”.
The trick is figuring out ways to replace that fashion dopamine hit with something that’s a little slower burning. You’ve got to re-focus your sartorial creativity from shopping into styling.
When you feel the urge to shop, try challenging yourself to style five new outfits out of your own closet. And of course, the Indyx app is great for that.
Or, try the act of really taking care of your things. Take your shoes to a cobbler to be repaired and shined up. Spend an hour listening to a podcast and washing your white sneakers. It sounds cheesy, but doing this can be really satisfying and deepen your relationship with the items your already have.
Just try starting from the baseline assumption that already you have everything you need - and, just maybe you’ll find you hate your wardrobe a little less.
If you’re looking for a tool to help you fall back in love with your closet, our free iOS or Android app is a great place to start.
Devon is a co-founder of Indyx and currently leads Growth for the company from San Francisco. She enjoys admiring other people’s gardens and sleeping in with her French Bulldog, Reggie.
